honey bunches of taint.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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