Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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