She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
