Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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