Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
