i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
