I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
