Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
