to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
