I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
pop tarts are not kleenex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize