People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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