I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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