ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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