He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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