I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
