I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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