Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Welp...herpes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
