i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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