Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
