I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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