omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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