I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
