i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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