I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
