I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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