Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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