I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
