Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
