His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
