How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
