i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
