Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
