Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
