You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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