that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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