what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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