I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
