this beer tastes like vomit already
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
