So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
