i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
