i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
