last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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