don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
