Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize