tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
