Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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