Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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