covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
