After last night, I could never be a politician.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
