I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
