yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
