I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
this hospital has no fireball
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
