If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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