On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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