just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
