i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
