Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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