Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize