Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
