youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
