You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
