I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
