Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
