This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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