im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
