Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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